Monday, August 17, 2020

Suviving the Pandemic

 I am foggy after another bad night.  I wake up four or five times a night in the middle of terrible anxiety attacks. The bad news is they have been so intense that I can't even get out of bed to take medication. The good news is that I can't get out of bed and eat.

Usually, my panic attacks are very specific, focusing on specific worries. These have been completely general, so  I'm not sure what actions I can take to calm myself. Very frustrating!

I'm assuming they are in some way a response to the pandemic and to work. I have to work at least one more year, so there's not much I can about that. It never occurred to me that any parent would think I should die so that their child could go to school. The threat of opening schools is the only thing I am conscious of worrying about -- that and my son working in a veterinary hospital with hundreds of employees. 

I think I am doing what I can to make my life pleasant -- I'm almost done with my Pandemic Quilt. I'll take a full photo when it's hanging on the wall:

I've been biking and walking nearly every day. Today I saw these hibiscus flowers on my walk. I just love that there's a variety of hibiscus that can grow in Wisconsin!

I am thoroughly enjoying my Sue Spargo-type project, which I am calling "Happy Fish." I'm learning lots of new embroidery stitches. Wool is so nice to work with because it has structure and it's easy to get a needle through.

And my dear Kola makes me happy. The other day she thought she was recycling:

I Zoom with friends, hang out with my husband, talk on the phone, read. I'm not quite sure why I'm having such bad nights!


  1. Many of us are having sleeping issues. It is in part the pandemic that is causing it. Not to mention all the other nasty stuff going on in the world. I think the news media is adding to our problems. With you having to teach in person has got to be daunting. All the schools in our district have started on line only until further notice. Yes, it is hard on parents who work away from home.....but where do you draw the line for the safety of our children and our teachers.

    Your quilt is gorgeous. Is is a specific pattern or are you just making it up as you go? I am impressed! Those hibiscus are so pretty. One of my neighbors had several of them but the new home owners ripped them all out. I was very sad to see that happen. Your Kola is precious. What a great photo to frame. Happy fish is cute. Your stitching is so nice and even.

    Here's to a better night's sleep.

  2. When we first started online (wayyyyyy back in March) I had anxiety for a few months and couldn't sleep. Then when I found out I was scheduled to be 'in person' I had another bout. Now I'm OK'd to teach all online in fall so I feel it is much more manageable. I can't imagine who would want their kids to go back in person---from what I hear from colleagues (at least at the college level), they're getting calls from students saying they don't want to go back in the classroom either.

    I'd recommend yoga, meditation and/or journaling, but none of these really worked for me. Only xanax.

  3. I've had issues sleeping also. Knitting helps calm me as I would guess your projects help you. I love the fish and your quilt! That quilt looks like you're doing that by hand? Hugs from WA. I hope you sleep better tonight!

  4. I think a lot of us are having bad nights. My days are fine, but at night my mind won't shut off and I've noticed a lot more nights with unpleasant dreams.

    I'm so sorry you are having anxiety attacks. That is NO FUN at all. I hope you can figure out how to stop them.

    Kola is such a pretty girl. I don't know WHY she would think she should go out with the recycling. LOL

  5. I can't sleep well either. I have terrible nightmares and wake up several times a night. I seem to always be in a fog. My brain just won't shut off at night. I've taken to listening to the bedtime stories for adults they are offering on Audible or the YouTube sleep aid channels until I drift off. My favorite channel right now is Oldies Playing in Another Room and by the look at the comments lots of people are having trouble sleeping theses days.
    Your quilt is fabulous. I am so inspired every time I see your work. Araignee

  6. Your Happy Fish project is wonderful: I love all the stitching and the fabric placement. I hope you can find a way to relieve your anxiety and get the rest your body needs. Unfortunately, I’ve been dealing with anxiety by eating, and that makes me even more anxious: it’s a vicious cycle.

  7. Sorry to hear of your anxiety attacks and sleepless nights. That is no fun. I'm sure getting out and hiking/walking or biking helps some. I've had some bouts of insomnia, but believe mine is more age related than anxiety over things...but who knows? Meanwhile your quilt is gorgeous and your fish is absolutely amazing. You are so talented! Wishing you a peaceful day and a good night's rest.

  8. I'm sorry for your anxiety/fears. Your art work can be a great outlet for the fears. Your Kola is a beauty!

  9. I have quit watching or listening to the news.
    The numbers are so twisted, nothing makes sense. I really think we will be fine in the end.
    They know how to treat it now

  10. I'll add you to my daily prayer list, I hope you get the much needed sleep and maybe the meds and a glass of water should be at bedside and then you don't have to get out of bed? I hope this year goes quickly for you so you can retire.

  11. I'm so sorry about your nighttime panic attacks. These times . . . they are so hard on our mental health . . . As always, your projects are a bright spot! The colors, the textures . . . they just sing. Here's to easier sleeping tonight. XO

  12. I am also sorry about your bad nights. I have had a few times with this kind of anxiety and it is not good. I hope you are able to teach remotely and will continue to fins places of peace.

  13. I can't sleep, I worry about everything. My kids, Little Buddy returning to school, the pandemic, the state of our country, our president and the destruction he has done, friends, it never stops. I hope you feel some sense of calm. I am so sorry that you are forced to work, I'm sorry they leave working parents with no other option but to send their kids to school. I wish you peace, no panic attacks and rest. Stay as safe as possible.